Second Tongues

By The Hunger

The other day, I was having drinks with a buddy when three Germans sat down next to us. We got to chatting and my friend didn’t let on he spoke more languages than C3PO.

After about 20 minutes he began sprechender Deutscher, his second tongue. This conversational Viagra worked like a charm. Almost instantly, the conversation possibilities swelled like an offshore break at Waimea.

Not knowing the language proved to be difficult. Even so, I was happy to play a good wing and assist. I thought my performance went okay: I laughed at appropriate times, let out the occasional wunderbar or schadenfreude to show them I too was interested in playing the game of lingua franca. But it was no use; without understanding the language, you feel retarded.

They took more pics of my mate than the paparazzi take of Kim Kardashian’s ass, while I recall being pushed out of photo-ops several times! Then came the never-ending German folk songs. It wasn’t long before C3PO started teaching them German songs even they didn’t know. This was my cue to leave.

On the way home, I replayed the night’s proceedings on my internal TiVo. I toyed with the idea of learning German, becoming a German scholar, and inventing a new word even the Germans hadn’t thought of. They’d treat me like a king I thought. But then I returned to sobriety: I don’t want to learn German

Second Tongue

English as a second language is a billion dollar industry with many people around the world eager to decipher the ways of the West. However, as a native English speaker, I ask myself: what are the real benefits of learning a foreign language?

1. It will allow me to communicate with more people.
2. It could help with job opportunities.
3. II will learn more about food and different cultures.
4. It will increase my chances with foreign ladies. Bingo!

Some people proclaim English is King, and for sheer practicality in the 21^st century, it is. But for those who want to extend the possibilities of their world, a Second Tongue would do wonders.

I speak some French, it really should be better. Considering I did a university exchange in France for 6 months, worked and lived in the French Riviera for a couple of months, and even had a French girlfriend, my French is far from fluent. Still, I think it’s a great language and I love to hear it being spoken the way it was intended. As limited as it may be, my French has opened many doors whilst travelling, from Morocco to Lebanon.

Most rookie linguists soon realize that most people speak more English than their Greek, Polish, Swahili, Hindi (insert language here). When you learn a new language, you realize language is more than black and white on a page. It’s the mentality and philosophy of the people who speak it, and unlike sovereign states, there are no borders.

Which Second Tongue to Learn

To be able to speak a foreign language, you have to think like the people who created it. That’s why everyone should attempt to learn a second tongue at some stage in their life. It allows the learner to understand how others think, the humour, the lifestyle, the weather, the food; all these are defined in some way by the lingo.

Languages are verbal passports into different altitudes of communication. Language offers the chance for mutual understanding of an idea, feeling, or situation, sometimes in ways your own doesn’t allow. (I.e. the film Lost in Translation.)

So, which second tongue to learn? The logical conclusion is usually French, Spanish, German, Italian, Chinese, or Arabic – the most popular ones, right? Wrong, because everybody else is already learning them.

My theory: learn the language and history of a lesser-known country.

Croatia, Czech Republic, Greece, Estonia, Latvia, Ukraine, Malta, or any other country where there aren’t ubiquitous Southern Crosses, Stars and Stripes, or Union Jacks.

Let’s use Bosnia and Herzegovina as an example.

Imagine you’re at a house party. You look across the room and see a cute girl. Ten other guys take turns to speak to her. One guy yells over the music, “Is Bosnia like in the South Pacific or something?” You find out she’s from Bosnia and Herzegovina and more importantly you speak some beginner Bosnian. Unlike the first waves of flirtatious failures, you know that Franz Ferdinand is more than some indie rock group from Scotland. Who is she going to want to talk to more? YOU. This at least gives you a better chance.

You need not be able to speak your second tongue fluently or be able to explain what a non sequitur is in her language, just a keen interest to learn something new. If you have a certain penchant for a particular nationality, you’ll have a far better chance if you speak some of her language because you’ve already found something in common.

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