Lesbian Manifesto

By Atlas Al

Is Oral Sex, Sex?

The “how do lesbians flag” question has bothered me for years because I never had a solid answer to this undefined gray spot.  Right here, right now, we’re going to attempt to answer the flagging non-hetero debate.

There is no mention of the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) community anywhere on our site.  The reason for this is because I tend to marinate on the most controversial topics for a long time, years even, until I feel I have an answer.  Like the proverbial pebble in my shoe, I always wondered how lesbians laid claim to flags if minor league sex doesn’t count.  To get to the bottom of flagging’s non-hetero debate, we must ask,“Is Oral Sex, Sex?”

For a moment, let us entertain the opposing argument:  Oral Sex Is Sex and counts as a flag.  A pro oral person will tell you:

• It’s sex if it’s intimate.
• It’s sex if you can get a sexually transmitted infection from the other person.
• It’s sex if the other person makes you come.

Oral Sex Is Not Sex

I respect their point of view and as interesting as it may be, I disagree.  “If I make you come, then that’s sex.”  Well, sort of.  Of course it’s possible to come from handjobs and dry-humps, but they should be placed in the same category as blowjobs:  the minor leagues.

The minor leagues is like soft-core porn and the more hard-core major leagues is actual full-on contact/penetration.  With intercourse, you’re actually inside of someone or someone is inside of you.  Intercourse is a much more serious matter:  you can’t get pregnant from minor league sex, but you can from intercourse.

When growing up, most of us learned baseball sex terminology:

• 1^st base:  kissing.
• 2^nd base:  heavy petting.
• 3^rd base:  oral sex.
• Homerun:  penetrative intercourse.

Oral Sex Is Not Sex; it’s called oral for a reason, aka 3^rd base.

If you’re a virgin, then you’ve never had sexual intercourse.  Are you or aren’t you a virgin, i.e. had “sex,” is an internationally, commonly held benchmark for having had sex. Furthermore, this commonly held benchmark is based on the premise if you can make a baby or not from doing it.  In my opinion, a sex act that can’t result in making a baby is not SEX.

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Article 2 of our Constitution of Flagging clearly states, “Penetration constitutes the flag.  Oral sex, handjobs, and dry-humps do not count as sex; hence they do not count as flags either.”  If one of my friends claimed a flag after getting a mere blowjob, I’d laugh at him.  Minor league sex might be considered sexual, but it doesn’t count as sex, therefore doesn’t count as a flag.

Upon examining the other subgroups of the LGBT community (gays, bisexuals, and transgenders), it’s possible for any of them to have major league sex; in other words, to penetrate or be penetrated.  Lesbians, however, are a different story.

Again I ask:  how do Lesbians flag if they can only give/receive oral sex, and their third base is the same as their homerun?

Lesbian Manifesto

The only exception to the rule should be for lesbians.  Since they can’t naturally penetrate other women, it’s unfair to ask them to finger each other, to wear a strap-on, to use a dildo, or to penetrate with their tongue.

I believe in fair and equal flagging; everyone should be allowed to play. All girl-on-girl sex with a foreigner should count. It’s up to them to decide whether they earned the flag or not.

Critics will say it’s unfair that lesbians are exempt from Article 2.  How are lesbians supposed to play then?  This should be the one logical exception to the rule.

Welcome lesbians.

Flagging, Flags of the World