By Atlas Al
Everyone is biased and everyone’s a critic. According to me, Scandinavian Women are superior in more ways than one.
Granted, there are beautiful women in every country; however, if you take these beauties and compare them to the Scandinavian brand, I think the Scandos would win out. Discovering why/how Scandos are the best is like trying to crack a code, trying to replicate a vaccine for the world’s masses to combat the well-known disease of unattractiveness. Can Scandinavian beauty be replicated in other countries, or is it region specific?
This land of milk and honey – that I’ve had the pleasure of living in for a year and a half – has several factors that affect its women:
Scandinavian Women are in a gene pool of their own. How can this be? Before I propose an answer, let’s pretend we’re 18th century slave traders. Our goal is to make money, so we must bring back the fittest, healthiest, and potentially best working Africans to sell in the new world. They must be healthy enough to survive the transatlantic crossing, to work hard on the plantations their entire lives, and to breed fit offspring to increase the plantation owner’s workforce and wealth.
With Scandinavians we must consider the following “chicken or the egg” example: did Scandinavian Women always have good genes, or did Viking raids affect the gene pool?
Were Scandinavian Women so ugly that it forced the Vikings to go on raids in the first place to search for more good-looking women? Doubt it. They probably had the same ratios of beautiful/ugly women than in other countries.
Vikings were right bastards when they raped, pillaged, and terrorized neighboring countries. One of the spoils of war they brought back to Scandinavia was women. But not just any women, HOT women. They wouldn’t start a family with an ugly wench if they could help it. These guys didn’t want to just settle for anything back home when all they had to do was sail up and down Western Europe’s coastline looking for the fittest birds to take back with them. In today’s world, men eye up women all the time thinking to themselves, I’d like to have that. Vikings didn’t think that, they actually did that.
The reason Scandinavian Women are so beautiful is because the Vikings brought back and bred with the most beautiful women in the world. Essentially, they created a spectacular super race of fit blue-eyed blondes. According to my Swedish friend Dr. Rim, it’s Darwinism at its finest: now that the Scandinavians were fitter than the rest of the world, they didn’t want to lose their edge over other countries; ugly genes simply died out because no one wanted to mate with the unattractive ones.
Somehow, the cold climate directly preserves living Scandinavians. For thousands of years, salt was used to preserve people (think Egyptian mummies) and food. But what about cold weather?
In the culinary world, the danger zone refers to the conditions necessary for bacteria to grow, 41°F – 135°F (5°C – 57°C). So, cold/freezing temperatures decrease the rate of deterioration on the body probably because there are fewer bacteria eating away at its host. In 1991 a well-preserved caveman that lived 5,300 years ago called Ötzi the Iceman, was found in a melting glacier in the Italian Alps. The cold preserved his body, tools, and clothes like a giant freezer preserves fresh food to be consumed at a later date.
Europeans walk a lot because their cities are more conducive to walking than American cities. Walking equals healthy. I’ve also read more than one online article saying that cold weather increases the metabolism because the body uses more energy to keep warm. Even in the winter, Scandinavians walk everywhere. The cold indirectly makes them healthier and fitter because they walk faster from point A to point B to get to their warm final destination, burning lots of calories in the process.
If the sun can make our skin darker or lighter, cold temperature must do something to our genes as well.
Scandos are more active and take better care of themselves than other countries.
In addition to walking as a form of transportation and exercise, Scandinavia is known for its winter sports. They love to ski, snowboard, cross-country ski, etc. If you compare Winter and Summer Olympic games, you’ll find more Scandos competing in the winter games than the summer games because they excel at and make use of their cold weather.
Scando chubby is American skinny. Beauty shortages are rampant and increasing in frequency at an alarming rate as the world becomes more Globalized/Westernized/Americanized. I’ve marinated on this idea as to why this is. The only explanation I can think of is this: the demand for attractive women has remained relatively constant throughout the ages, but the supply dropped drastically in the last 40 years or so. The world is getter fatter. This unhealthy “epidemic,” as some American presidents have called it, hasn’t affected Scandinavia and I doubt it ever will.
I believe that underneath every fat girl’s many layers lies a stunner waiting to be noticed by men the world over. In ScandoLandia, however, men from around the world already notice Scandinavian Women because virtually none are overweight/unhealthy and the majority of them are gorgeous.
Before I came to Norway, Dr. Rim flag bragged that only about 5% of the population of Scandinavia was fat compared to the 66% of the United States. With fewer fatties, there are bound to be more beautiful women running around. When weight isn’t an issue, you can concentrate more on other physical and personality characteristics.
They also don’t eat as much junk food as other countries. You don’t find fast food restaurants and drive-thrus on every corner because most Scandos prepare their own food or just make wise food choices when out.
Or perhaps taxes are an issue for a lack of consumption of sweets. Taxes are very high in Scandinavia, especially for non-food products and vice products. An average pint of lager in Norway costs around 60 kroners (US$10) and a pack of 20 cigarettes about 90 kroners (US$15). And while children don’t drink or smoke, they’re taxed too: on their candies, because candy is a luxury product and not a bare necessity.
Scandinavian Fashion and Forward-thinking
I love the fact that Scandinavian countries are the most forward-thinking societies in the world. When you have a baby in Norway, the government gives you 10 months of paid maternity leave of which the woman can share with her husband (i.e., 5 months for the mother, 5 months for the father if they want). Very few countries in the world have it that good.
Scandinavian Women are also forward-thinking in their sense of fashion. Not only are they more beautiful than other countries (as I discussed above), they’re more stylish, aware, and self-conscious of their appearance and adhere to a self-imposed higher standard. Their need to always be presentable and fashionable is perhaps the reason why Scandinavia is the test market for international jeans companies. If a style or design doesn’t work for the northern European trend-setters, companies ditch the idea.
Does your country’s culture tell you that you come from the best country or the best culture in the world? This would never happen in Scandinavia. Countries such as the United States and France (and I can say this because I’m half American and half French) are too proud and arrogant; they, and others, think they’re the best.
In Scandinavian cultures, it’s the other way around. Parents teach their children that they’re not the best, to not outshine their neighbors, to blend in and to be equal with others in society. Maybe this is why Scandos are open to learning other languages because they’re humble world citizens and don’t think they’re the best culture on Earth. Most northern Europeans speak a second language very well, usually English, unlike English-speaking countries.
The practiced sociocultural term, Jante Law, originates from Aksel Sandemose’s 1933 novel called A Fugitive Crosses His Tracks. Norway’s encyclopedia, Store Norske Leksikon, explains Sandemose’s 10 Janteloven: 1) You shall not believe you are something special, 2) You shall not believe you are as good as us, 3) You shall not believe you are wiser than us, 4) Don’t think you are better than us, 5) Don’t think you know more than us, 6) You shall not believe you are more important than us, 7) You shouldn’t be overconfident, 8) You shall not laugh at us, 9) You shall not believe that anyone cares about you, and 10) You shall not believe you can teach us anything.
Jante Law discourages people to outshine their peers and looks down upon personal achievement and competition. What this means is that attractive Scandos are kept in check because it’s frowned upon to think they’re better than other people.
Take attractive American women, for example: it’s harder to hook up with them because there’s a huge demand with a very low supply. American women are choosier with the men they date and superficially prefer men with the highest social status possible, i.e. the rich and/or famous, and the average guy is left with scraps.
Scandos, on the other hand, care less who you are and what you do because they view you more as their equal. You have less chances of picking up a hot American and more chances of picking up a hot Scandinavian because they’re more approachable; at an early age they’re taught they’re not better than anybody else. Even though the world loves beautiful Scandos and they know it, they’re quite humble about it.
Scandinavian Sex Lives
Scandinavian progressiveness has affected the sex lives of their women as well. They enjoy more freedom and equality than most women in other countries. It’s not uncommon for a Scandinavian woman to pick you up in a bar; if they’re keen, they’ll hook up.
Scandinavian Women aren’t sluts. Their openness towards sex means they mirror the sexual mentality of men because they are men’s equals. As cliché as it sounds, Scandinavian Women are sexually liberated.
Scando Conspiracy Theory
Why are Scandinavian Women so beautiful? Could the answer lie within the realm of sci-fi? Maybe Scando genes are spliced with alien genes and they’re part of some larger intergalactic experiment. In the United States, fluoride is added to tap water and vitamins A and D are added to milk. Maybe Scando governments put something else in their water and milk.
Whatever the reason for their unexplained beauty, something’s going on in Scandinavia and the world knows it.