By Atlas Al
Tender loins and slobjobs, it must be that time of year again.
Some say Valentine’s Day was invented by the candy companies – like Halloween – and then commercialized like Easter and Christmas to increase sales. Critics forget to mention that there were in fact two such saints by the name of Valentine.
Legend has it Roman Emperor Claudius II thought single men made better soldiers. When he ordered young men to put passion aside to increase his armies, Saint Valentine performed illegal marriages which led to his execution on February 14th.
Valentine’s Day is a special day for men to show the women in their lives how much they care for them. Women traditionally receive chocolates, roses, and greeting cards, and the loving colors of red and pink are everywhere to remind you to do something nice for your partner.
Steak and BJ Day
The origins of Steak and BJ Day are unclear. We can’t deny the possibility it was invented by cattle ranchers to increase beef sales. What we do know is that Steak and BJ Day was started in the United States in the early 2000s, and some people celebrate it on March 20th. According to the owner of steakandbjday.com, March 14th is a better day to celebrate because it’s “the male equivalent to Valentine’s Day.” [An “anti-something” should be a “something’s” polar opposite, i.e. Steak and BJ Day falling on August 14th, which would make for better summer BBQ sessions, but this is just my opinion.]
The date doesn’t really matter because Steak and BJ Day is a glorious day every culture should embrace. On Valentine’s Day, a guy has to ask or guess what his woman would like, whereas on Steak and BJ Day it’s implied. Also, just because it’s called “Steak and BJ Day” doesn’t mean it isn’t a romantic day without the color red: a rare steak and remnants of lipstick are both red. As you can see, this relatively new holiday was written for the history books.
Steaks and Blowjobs in other countries
In 2010, Uruguay passed Argentina with 58.2 kilos per capita per annum as the world’s leading consumer of beef. Quite a bit of beef.
Equally intriguing is Austrian women leading the world in giving the most blowjobs with a whopping 80% per capita. I’ve never heard of a better match made in heaven: a Uruguayan guy with an Austrian girlfriend.
Give a little “hint hint” to your loved one this year: leave a couple of choice steaks in the fridge and throw away anything that could be perceived as dessert.
Even though blowjobs don’t count as flags, Happy Steak and BJ Day!