By Atlas Al
So you wanna go flagging huh? Hooking up with foreigners is fun, but there’s more to claiming flags than you think.
The Hunger and I needed to establish some ground rules as to what does and doesn’t constitute a flag. Before we could launch Flagging Headquarters, I took the Constitution of Flagging from my book and threw it online as the foundation of the flagging travel game. In my opinion, it is the most well thought out set of guidelines for claiming one’s foreign hook ups.
We write about a wide array of topics regarding hooking up with foreigners. A lot of what you read, especially from me, is Advanced Flagging Theory. To those daring enough to take the analytical plunge, there are several prerequisites to consider:
–Love hooking up.
–Keeping an open mind.
–Open to meeting new people, foreigners in particular.
–Knowledgeable in geography, history, and basic international politics.
If you struggle with one of the above, you can learn along the way by reading and leaving comments on our blog posts or by visiting our Ask Atlas Al page.
Although not part of the Constitution of Flagging, we regularly use many important vocabulary terms specific to flagging.
Constitution of Flagging
To have a structured code of conduct to flag by, thus eliminating confusion when claiming flags.
Hook up with a foreigner, you get their “flag.”
1. All Flags Are Created Equal: A flag is not lesser or greater in value than other flags.
Flagging doesn’t have a point system. There are no winners or losers, it’s just fun to play. Also, ethnocentrism has no place in the flagging travel game. No country’s culture is better or worse than any other country. With that said, some flags are easier or harder to capture because of population numbers and/or promiscuity levels. Refer to Mathematical Flagging and The Most Exotic Flags.
2. Penetration Constitutes the Flag: Oral sex, handjobs, and dry-humps do not count as sex; hence they do not count as flags either.
I think we can all agree you have to go all the way to get the flag; however, having an orgasm isn’t necessary. For example, many women have sex without having an orgasm. Likewise, if a guy doesn’t come, he should be able to get the flag as well. What if he was interrupted or someone vomited during sex or many other possible scenarios. If you put it in, you get the flag.
Also, the only exception to the rule should be for lesbians. Refer to Amendment 2 and Lesbian Manifesto.
3. Dual Citizens: It is not possible to claim two flags from the same person. You are either more of one nationality or more of the other, but not both. One flag per shag.
You cannot be two nationalities, or two separate people for that matter, at the same time even if you have two passports to prove it and you speak both languages. You are one person with one flag and you’re definitely more one than the other. Refer to Two Passports, One Person.
4. Flags Must Be Earned: You cannot pay for nor have others pay on your behalf. In order to claim a flag, you must get it by your own wit and charm. If you cannot pay for the flag, accepting money for it is unacceptable as well.
To all of you who have paid for sex in the past: those flags don’t count. Come on, you can’t just pay your way around the world. It’s unfair. Earn it. Refer to World Cup Woes, Hoes and Paying for Sex, Faux Flags.
5. Total Lifetime Shags vs. Total Lifetime Flags: Once you get a flag, you have it no matter how many shags you have from the same flag. For example, hooking up with a total of three Brazilians only counts as one Brazilian flag.
Total shags pale in comparison when it comes to total flags. One of my friends has bedded triple-digit chicks, a number I’m not even close to or want to be close to. When we compared flags, we were about the same. Refer to Can You Repeat That.
6. The Flag in question must be from a Sovereign State: In other words, they are completely independent and are not under any other nation’s authority/rule.
A flag is considered as such if the majority of the United Nations member countries recognize it as a sovereign state. If you can’t point out your captured flag on a political map, then the world doesn’t believe it’s a sovereign state, at least not yet. Refer to Wannabe Flags.
1. Flags Change with the tides of International Politics: For example, if you previously had the Tibetan flag, after 1950 it turned into the Chinese flag. (This theory has changed. Refer to Amendment 1.)
2. Weighted Flags: If there is something worth mentioning about the flag, most likely it’s weighted, cooler. In the end, a flag is a flag; but being weighted makes it that much more unique in the eyes of the flagger.
In a perfect world, all flags would be “undisputable.” Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world. People are moving all over the place, we have dual nationalities, etc.
Even though all flags are equal, small populated countries are the most prized. Think about it: China and India boast billions, the United States has over 300 million citizens, and Indonesia is not far behind. Countries like Andorra (pop. 70,000), Monaco (pop. 35,000), or Liechtenstein (pop. 35,000) are extremely hard to capture because there are so few of them compared to the world’s population.
For an example of weighted flags, refer to Redhead Racists.
3. Frame-of-Mind: Used to determine the nationality/flag of a person. One’s family background, history, or race is not their flag; it merely makes up a part of their identity.
4. Age-to-Flag Determination: If someone moved to a different country after 13 years of age, they are from the country of which they grew up in. By around 13, the person in question is already mentally hard-wired with the customs and culture of their country of origin. One must choose a culture that they identify themselves with more. That way, when they become sexually active, there won’t be any confusion about which flag they are.
For the record, I am NOT advocating having sex with children if that’s what you were thinking. What I am advocating is to determine a boundary for flags who have moved to a different country at a young age. I believe age 13 is a good cut-off date. For example, if you moved from Colombia to Canada between 1-12 years old, you’re Canadian. If you moved from Colombia to Canada from 13 and above, you’re Colombian.
It’s hard to determine an exact age cut-off, that’s why it’s only a theory. Refer to Age-to-Flag Determination Theory, Proved.
5. Foreigner-in-a-Foreign-Land: It’s harder to get the flag from the same country you’re in. Thus, it is more likely you will get a flag from a foreigner staying at the hostel like you. (See Theory 2a.)
Refer to The Maltese Tease.
1. Make Goals For Yourself: Always have a couple of flags you’re gunning for. By doing so, you put positive energy out there. You may get another flag in the meantime, but at least you were aiming for something. For example, you do not have the Spanish or Italian flags. If you get the Argentinean flag, no worries. You got a new flag while staying the Spanish-Italian course.
Remember that your flag radar is always location specific. Refer to Flag Radar Reset.
1. Expired Flag Theory: (November 2009) Amending Theory 1. Whatever flag the person is at the time of the shag, is the flag you got.
2. Lesbian Manifesto: (November 2010) Amending Article 2. The only exception to the rule should be for lesbians.
3. UK Conundrum Theory: (January 2011) Amending Article 6. Each home nation (England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland) could be claimed, and a fifth flag, a British flag, could be claimed for any territory outside of mainland United Kingdom. For example, all Overseas Territories and Crown Dependencies would be British flags.
4. Palestine Loophole Flag: (May 2011) Amending Article 6. Palestine is the only country in the world that is not a UN member, but has international recognition from the majority of world countries. The controversial loophole flag that is Palestine should be captureable.
On A Personal Note
The Constitution of Flagging is not a complete list of articles, theories, and suggestions. It can and should be amended as seen fit. The Ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, “Change is the only constant.” Flagging should be able to blossom in ways that cannot be seen in the present day. Future philosophies should be amended to the original constitution to make it better, more concise, and more efficient to cater to the needs of future flaggers.