Welcome jo-jo, our first guest writer.
Welcome to the wonderful world of aviation, where pilots and flight attendants come together to deliver only the finest onboard hospitality and ensure maximum guest satisfaction at 37,000 feet.
As an ex-crew member, I traveled and set foot in scores of different destinations and constantly met new people. Whether meeting or hooking up with people from different nationalities, you are immersed in their culture; but it would prove to be both exciting and challenging.
It’s all rosy and glam. They even call it the Rock Star lifestyle. That’s as long as you have a pass to the Mile High Club. Who hasn’t dreamt about tasting the high life? Perhaps even snag a man in uniform or hook up with a hot airhostess on your travels.
I never used to brag about it as the perfect job because I knew it wasn’t all that. When I first came to the Middle East there was so much buzz about being a flight attendant that I decided to give it a go at the fairly young age of 20. Brimming with enthusiasm and without a care in the world, I embarked on a journey into the colorful world of aviation. It was actually the ideal way to start.
Welcome Onboard
Recently, a very good captain friend of mine called me up after a long time and invited me to a birthday party. It’s been almost a year since I switched careers so I thought it would be great to see some old faces again.
He lives in this posh area called The Floating City that is designed to have a series of canals where boats can cruise. I came to meet him at his crib and hopped on his speedboat that would take us to the house. Five minutes later we arrived at the birthday party. It was a Mexican theme but my retarded friend had forgotten to tell me.
It’s always good to be prepared though and as an ex-crew member, being groomed to a certain standard becomes second nature. I could fairly say I looked better than most of the other girls who wore costumes because some looked like a whale trying to fit into a lovely dress. I guess not.
There went the initial exchange of pleasantries. The food was good, confetti, maracas and sombreros were scattered all over the place. It was time to ease into the crowd. There were probably about 25 people there from 10 different nationalities. It couldn’t help but stir old memories. This could be good.
However I was surprised that the girls and guys were segregated. The girls stayed inside and the guys were outside. I thought to myself the night may still be young. Based on past experience, after a few more shots, the inhibitions will go to the nearest emergency exits, jump into the water with the life jackets inflated. That’s why I wasn’t so worried that the party might suck but then again who could tell?
Partying Jet-Set Style
I was getting a bit bored though so I had to find a solution to this, I watched and observed as I walked back and forth to make more margaritas. Somehow this put me in the mood, somebody had to be the life of the party!
The first stage went on for a good hour and a half as I was listening painfully to the pilots talk about faulty technical problems encountered in-flight whilst the flight attendants enthusiastically go on and on about sale, shopping, bags, and the next roster they need to do blah blah, the list went on. The most interesting part they did talk about was how they have so much difficulty losing weight. For some reason we do have big girls in this airline–in an industry where you are expected to be size 0 it’s so easy to be branded as a WBA– “wide bodied aircraft”. Not sure if this would happen in Europe.
Being the helpful person that I was, I wanted to give some friendly advice and say, “Well I have a solution for you my dear, that is to stop friggin’ shoving so much food in your mouth.” But of course I didn’t want to be rude and ultimately have the whole mafia gang up against me–better yet push me out in the open waters. To think I was a flight attendant but somehow couldn’t swim very well was a shame indeed! I would need that life jacket again please!
The Firecracker
And so my trained ears finally heard someone say, “Let’s go for body shots!!” Woo-hoo! Finally somebody made the effort to liven up the party. It was getting more fun as we did beer bongs and limbo rocks. We also did the birthday cake for the birthday girl. It was cool! This was the signal towards the second stage.
…to be continued.
Talking about faulty technical problems sounds almost as boring as talking about test driving an Audi at the local dealership 'that one time.' Nice first story!
I'd take the R8 testdrive at any time of day.. to myself! LOL! Thanks Kyle, you're a sweetheart ;)
Great stuff Jo-Jo! Stay tuned for part 2 for another slice of aviation life Whitelord, it's even better!
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