By The Hunger

The other day, I was having drinks with a buddy when three Germans sat down next to us. We got to chatting and my friend didn’t let on he spoke more languages than C3PO, one of them of course being German.

After about 20 minutes he began “sprechender Deutscher” and it worked like conversational Viagra. Almost instantly, the conversation possibilities swelled like an offshore break at Waimea.

As a non-German speaker, I felt like the adopted son of the Von Trapp family. Even so, I was happy enough to sit and play wingman. Not knowing the language as a sidekick proved to be more difficult than explaining the rules of cricket to a Frenchman.

I thought my performance was good: I laughed at appropriate times, let out the occasional “wunderbar” or “schadenfreude” to show them I too was interested in playing the game of lingua franca. I even told them I shared the same birthday as German pop sensation, Scooter, so you can imagine their interest in me.

They took more pics of my mate than the paparazzi take of Kim Kardashian’s ass, while I recall being pushed out of photo-ops several times! Then came the never-ending German folk songs. I tried to give my best rendition of “Die Eine” but stopped when one of them pulled out a clarinet to drown me out. It wasn’t long before C3PO started teaching them German folk songs even they didn’t know. This was my cue to leave.

On the way home, I replayed the night’s proceedings on my internal TiVo. I toyed with the idea of learning German, becoming a German scholar, and inventing a new word even the Germans hadn’t thought of. They’d treat me like a king, no doubt give me a free Mercedes sportscar, and allow me to use Neuschwanstein as a summer house. But then I returned to sobriety: why would I want to learn German?

English as a second language is a billion dollar industry with many people around the world eager to decipher the ways of the west. However, as a native English speaker, I ask myself: what are the real benefits of learning a foreign language?

1. It’ll allow me to communicate with locals of that country.
2. I’ll increase my food options when traveling.
3. It might help me win more pieces of pie in Trivial Pursuit or win at international scrabble.
4. I’ll be able to read the articles in German Playboy.

Some people proclaim English is King, and for sheer practicality in the 21^st century, it is. But for those who want to extend the possibilities of their world, you know what I’m talking about.

I speak some French; I can’t stress the some here enough. Sadly, I’m not a natural linguist. Even though I did an Erasmus exchange in France for 6 months, worked and lived in the South of France for a couple of months, and even had a French girlfriend from Reunion Island for 9 months, my French level oscillates between mildly retarded and a big question mark. Still, I think it’s a great language and I love to hear it being spoken the way it was intended. With that said, my limited French has opened more doors than Willy Wonka.

Most rookie linguists soon realize that most people speak more English than their Greek, Polish, Swahili, Hindi (insert language here). Language is more than black and white on a page. It’s the mentality/philosophy and world understanding of the people who speak it, and unlike sovereign states, there are no borders.

To be able to speak a foreign language, you have to think like the people who created it. That’s why everyone should attempt to learn a second tongue at some stage in their life. It allows the learner to understand how others think, the humor, the lifestyle, the weather, the food; all these are defined in some way by the lingo.

Languages are verbal passports into different altitudes of communication. Language offers the chance for mutual understanding of an idea, feeling, or situation, sometimes in ways your own doesn’t allow. (i.e. the film Lost in Translation.)

So which language to learn? The logical conclusion is usually French, Spanish, German, Italian, Chinese, or Arabic – the most popular ones, right? Wrong, because everybody else is already learning them.

My theory: learn the language and history of a lesser-known country.

Croatia, Czech Republic, Greece, Estonia, Latvia, Ukraine, Malta, or any other country where there aren’t ubiquitous Southern Crosses, Stars and Stripes, or Union Jacks.

Let’s use Bosnia as an example.

Imagine you’re at a house party. You look across the room and see a cute girl. Ten other guys take turns to speak to her. One guy yells over the music, “Is Bosnia like in the South Pacific or something?” Holy crap, you find out she’s from Bosnia and Herzegovina and more importantly you speak some Bosnian. Unlike the first waves of flirtatious failures, you know that Franz Ferdinand is more than some indie rock group from Scotland. Who is she going to want to talk to more? YOU.

When you banter in basic Bosnian about the correct spelling of cevapcic, and when one of the other guys launches into the conversation with, “Bosnia, that’s a war zone isn’t it,” all of a sudden you look like a star.

You need not be able to speak the language fluently or be able to explain the future subjunctive, just a keen interest to learn something new.

If you have a certain penchant for a country and you meet that particular flag at home or abroad, you’ll stand a far better chance than someone who’s never thought beyond their postcode because you’ve already found something in common.

Flags of the World, European flags, Bosnian flag