By Atlas Al

It’s hard to put into words the jaw dropping Scandos undressing themselves right now in Oslo’s Birkelunden Park.  The scent of coconut oil wafts in the air from slender tanned bodies deglazing in the midday sun, breasts smashed into towels give their vitamin D-starved behinds a chance at some sun, and every guy wears dark sunglasses appreciating the surreality of his present situation. 

After World War II, millions of East Germans fled across the border into West Germany seeking a life free from Stalin’s totalitarian state.  “Brain drain” came to mean a large number of educated people that immigrate to another country, leaving their home country with fewer educated people.  “Beauty drain” is when beautiful women leave in the winter in search of warmer weather. 

Those who have been abroad will undoubtedly agree that Scandinavians travel everywhere, and most leave in the autumn to escape winter’s icy cold.  Scandos go to SE Asia, Florida, South America, anywhere warm. 

Australia and New Zealand offer 18-30 year olds (from participating countries) a chance to live, work, and travel up to 12 months, something called a Working Holiday Visa.  (Anyworkanywhere.com has comprehensive, country-specific lists of visa and job information.  To find your country, click on “Visa Info” on the left side of the webpage and then select your country of origin.)  Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish citizens are all eligible for a Working Holiday Visa down under, and why not escape if you can.

“Party Swedes”, for example, work hard during the summer and then leave right before the winter.  So when the northern hemisphere gets cold, they go south; when the southern hemisphere gets cold, many return home.  It is this homecoming that produces an even higher concentration of stereotypical beautiful women in Scandinavia’s parks and bars in the summertime.

Flags of the World, European flags, Danish flag, Norwegian flag, Swedish flag

By Atlas Al

Months ago, I asked my English buddy, aka Philthy, which flags he’d like to hook up with. His wish list was more than ambitious. Yet, the problem with having too many goals is that you won’t start any of them. You become overwhelmed with the mounting tasks, and deciding where to start becomes a mission in and of itself.

Similarly – if you’ll excuse my tangent – I dislike restaurants that specialize in everything and anything. We’ve all been to eateries that offer a combination of Chinese food, lasagna, tacos, hot dogs, hamburgers, gyros, English breakfast, healthy salads, all on the same menu. I mean seriously, pick something and make the very best _____. If I’m in the mood for pizza, I’ll go to the place that just specializes in pizza. The point is that sometimes it’s better to be focused on one thing rather than firing off a shotgun of goals hoping to hit something.

My next question was more direct, “If you could hook up with any two foreign chicks right now, which ones would they be?”

“Sweden and Ireland.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. By making a conscious, focused goal, Philthy’s flag radar will subconsciously pick up signals from Swedish and Irish chicks. I believe two flags is a solid goal; one is too few and three is too many.

When examining your own radar, you should take into consideration the probability of capturing such flags. I’d like to hook up with lots of different women from lots of different countries, but it’s unlikely I’ll hook up with a Brazilian whilst living in Norway because there aren’t many here.

Flagging radars are location specific.

At the moment, the two flags I’m gunning for are Iceland and Finland. If I were living and working in Panama, for example, I’d probably go for the Panamanian and Costa Rican flags. If I did a 6 week backpacking trip to Eastern Europe, my radar would be constantly changing for the duration of the trip. My radar would then revert back to Icelandic and Finnish upon returning to Oslo.

Like sonar technology, radars emit a wavelength – usually a radio wave. When the wavelength hits something, it bounces back with information on that something’s size and distance. Objects show up on the stereotypical circular radar screen that displays moving bright green or white images. As the radar refreshes with receding and approaching blips on the screen, we have a clear idea of what’s nearby.

When I first arrived in Norway, I was aiming for Norwegian and Finnish flags. In December 2009, I hooked up with a Norwegian chick – since then I’m able to lay claim to the Scandinavian trifecta of flags and had to reset my flag radar. These days I’m keeping an eye out for Finnish and Icelandic chicks.

When – not if – Philthy gets either the Swedish or Irish flags, he must then reset his radar.

And would you believe it: he finally got his Swedish. He told me he still seeks out Irish women, but would like to hook up with a Danish as well. Updating your personal flagging radar after each new flag is just as important as activating it in the first place.

[This post refers to Suggestion 1 of the Constitution of Flagging]

Flags of the World, European flags

If someone told me Scandinavian women were the best in the world, I wouldn’t disagree. Years ago, I backpacked most of Europe including Scandinavia; now I live in Oslo. Never in my life have I seen a higher concentration of attractive women in one location other than Stockholm; Copenhagen isn’t far behind either. Being the American that he is, Hairy Swede has made some similar, interesting observations about Scandinavian women in his blog A Swedish-American in Sweden. In a number of posts, he claims the average Scandinavian woman – when compared to the average American, for example – is more attractive, more natural-looking (i.e. doesn’t require plastic surgery), and just better overall.

As for me, I’ve caught myself strangely attracted to cleaners, cops, security guards, fast food employees, and other professions that usually don’t employ the hottest chicks. The Scandinavians I’ve met abroad—the mediocre—are beautiful; everyone is gorgeous at the source. (Could this be Valhalla?)

“Try before you buy,” is common business practice and good marketing in general. The stereotype we have today of Scandinavian women was either born from or solidified by the influx of bare-breasted, sunbathing Swedes on Spanish beaches in the 1960s. Scandinavian governments, like wineries around the world, aren’t stupid. Wineries aren’t going to let you sample their finest wines. They will, however, let you taste those that are mediocre, hoping you’ll buy a nicer bottle. “Of course, you can have another sample,” says a winery or one of its distributors.

It’s this blogger’s opinion that Scandinavia sends out X amount of women all over the world, and at the same time, keeps the best reserves/harvests/years mostly for themselves. If you want to find the truly exceptional rare bottles you can’t find at your local bar or supermarket, I recommend seeking them out from the very terroir that produces them.

Flags of the World, European flags, Swedish flag, Norwegian flag, Danish flag

By Atlas Al

The Norwegian translation of this post reads, “The Sami are not a flag.” Since I’ve been living in Norway these past few months, people have asked me if the Sami ethnic group of northern Scandinavia is a flag. I wish I could say they were, but they’re not. Yes, the Sami do have a flag, but that doesn’t equal sovereignty; it merely represents their culture and/or geographical region where most Sami come from. Because their passports either say Norway (60,000-100,000), Sweden (15,000-25,000), Finland (6,400), or Russia (2,000), they are from one of these four internationally recognized sovereign states. 

Flags of the World, European flags, Swedish flag, Norwegian flag, Danish flag