USA | Flagging Headquarters

FLAG BRAG

View Comments 02 September 2010

By Atlas Al

Whether you’ve traveled or not, we’ve all heard people say, “The women from my country are the best in the world.” What I find interesting is that I’ve never said this about my own country, the United States. Beautiful American women exist, but the majority is nothing to look at. The population of the United States is about two thirds overweight or obese, slim pickings to say the least. So how/why do Brazilian and Swedish guys get away with such boasting about their women?

Let’s assume, for example, there are roughly the same amount of poor, middle class, and rich people in every country. Whether we’re talking about the United States or Zimbabwe, 10% of the population will be rich. No matter how messed up the average population looks (and I can think of a few countries with disastrous reputations), there will always be some diamonds. However, not all countries have the exact same percentages of poor, middle class, and rich people. Some countries are poorer, some have a smaller/larger middle classes, and some have more rich people than other countries. We can say that if some countries have more billionaires than other countries, some countries will have more attractive women than other countries.

When I backpacked through Scandinavia, I’d say 10% of the people I saw were overweight, and the ones I did see were probably tourists. If such a high percentage of a country’s population is in shape, then of course the world is going to gawk at them.

Keeping with the Brazilian-Swedish example, if enough people say their women are the best in the world and foreigners buy into it, then those foreigners feed the vicious cycle of hype and stereotype about the women being bragged about. Think if your parents called you stupid each day of your life; you’d start to believe you really were stupid. No wonder certain flags think so highly of themselves when so many guys salivate at the thought of them.

[Even though The Hunger doesn’t think Swedish girls are one of the best in the world, and I do, read his The Beauty of Propaganda post.]

When other nationalities brag about their women, I just listen because there’s no way I can brag about my own. Next time you’re flag bragging or flag bashing, ask what makes a country’s women the best or the worst.

Flags of the World, South American flags, Brazilian flag

USA

UNDERCOVER ACCENTS

View Comments 11 May 2010

By Atlas Al

When I first met Magnanimous, I thought he was Irish. Not only did he speak with a perfect Irish accent (at least to my American ears), he used idioms and phrases unique only to Ireland. To me, he passed as an Irishman and I thought nothing of it.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at an Irish pub and saw an Irish band jam with three Irish stepdancers (think Riverdance). They, too, spoke with an Irish accent. But when one of the band members asked where one of the stepdancers was from while pointing at a map of Ireland, she said in perfect Irish, “I’m Norwegian.”

It turned out Magnanimous was Norwegian, but has an Irish father, and the “Irish” stepdancers were Norwegians as well, but took stepdancing classes in Norway and in Ireland. Most likely they’d spot these two immediately in Ireland and ask where they were from.

Even though I consider myself pretty good at detecting foreign accents, I hear regional accents better from my own country, and of course Canadians when they use certain accented words like “eh”, “out”, and “about.”

Australians are able to hear a New Zealander’s accent and vice versa while those with untrained ears have to ask, “Are you Australian”, only to be made firmly aware of the fact they were from New Zealand. Same goes for people asking, “Where are you from in the states”, only to be told they’re Canadian. If it’s difficult to distinguish between an American and a Canadian or an Australian and New Zealander, imagine the difficulty trying to decipher more complex accents.

The people best at uncovering accents are the ones who speak the language as their mother tongue. For example, my dad has a heavy French accent, so heavy that to the untrained ear you could mistake his accented English as French. Even if a Frenchman spoke perfect English with an American accent, he’ll slip on certain words and a native speaker of American English will catch them.

American movies, television, and music is consumed the world over. Many international schools teach in American English and many foreign students come to the United States to study abroad in high schools and universities. The higher education system in the USA is commonly accepted as one of the best in the world with education being one of its major exports.

Since American English is the accent franca among many foreigners, Americans are more able to pick up on someone’s accent – when speaking American English – than non-Americans. For this reason, we should pay attention to foreigners who speak in a perfect or near perfect non-American English accent. You might mistake them for the wrong flag.

[Never assume that the accent a person has is where they come from. For flag status confirmation at the get-go of any convo, read Five Ways to Spot a Flagger.]

Flags of the World, North American flags, American flag

USA, United Kingdom

CAPITAL OF THE FLAGGING WORLD

View Comments 14 January 2010

By Atlas Al

The Gambling Capital of the World is Las Vegas, the Entertainment Capital of the World is Los Angeles, the Automotive Capital of the World is Detroit, the Spice Capital of the World is India, and the Wine Capital of the World is France; everything has a capital.

What about flagging; where would its capital be? There are many international/capital/global cities sprinkled over six continents; however, according to the GaWC (Globalization and World Cities Study Group and Network), New York and London outranked them all. Both were ranked Alpha + +, meaning they are the most culturally/economically/politically/infrastructural diverse cities on the planet. The only problem is that we must choose one of the two cities to be the epicenter of the flagging world.

I believe it should be London, and here’s why:

–New York is one of the oldest cities in the United States and founded by Dutch traders in the early 17^th century; London was founded roughly 2000 years ago by Romans.

–If we study world history, North America and South America are considered to be the “new world;” Europe is arguably the center of the world, not only because of its longer and richer history than new world countries, but because Europe boasts more Alpha cities than any other continent. It seems natural to have the capital of flagging in the continental capital of the world.

–The United States controls (or used to control) a vast global economic empire; the United Kingdom had a real empire making up 25% of the world’s landmass at its height.

–Canada is ranked tenth, the USA is sixth, and Australia is fifth; I wonder what the most promiscuous country in the world is? You guessed it: Great Britain (see God Save The Brits). It’s only fitting that the capital of the flagging world would lie in the most promiscuous country in the world, which is the same country that spawned the three mentioned above.

The flagfest that’ll take place during the 2012 Summer Olympics in London will be one to remember. One thing’s for sure: you can count me in ;)

Flags of the World, European flags, United Kingdom flag, American flag

USA

EYE OF THE TIGER WOODS

View Comments 11 January 2010

By The Hunger

Tiger Wood’s is a modern-day, living God. His Everest-like status atop the world’s sporting landscape has ensured his place in sports history – not to mention him being worth a cool billion dollars. However, right now Tiger Woods probably feels like the poorest billionaire in the world.

A month ago, the world looked up to him; since news broke of his infidelities following his car accident, the public has been at odds with his Jekyll and Hyde persona. Public opinions range from contempt to support for his off-course adventures. One thing is certain: Tiger Woods is mortal.

In a December 4, 2009 interview with Eonline.com, Hugh Hefner gave his thoughts on the Tigergate scandal:

“I think the only surprise in it, quite frankly, is that anybody would be surprised. If you’re a good-looking guy and young and healthy, the notion that there would be something else going on, well, marriage is just a convenience. It’s very nice for raising kids, but the notion that monogamy lasts forever is a wish!”

It seems this perennial playboy forgot to hand in his bachelor license long after his engagement and subsequent marriage to Erin Nordegren. Woods reportedly loved the VIP lifestyle that was afforded to him in Vegas clubs such as Tao and The Bank. Las Vegas is like a Disneyland for adults; combine that with his celeb power and it must have felt like he’d found utopia. What I find most intriguing is what type of girl(s) catches the eye of the Tiger. His recent grand slam of sorts is as interesting as anything he has ever done on the course. So, what are Tiger Wood’s flagging stats?

From Tiger’s 14 reported mistresses – of which 11 are named – and other lifetime shags, only two flags can be accounted for under the generally accepted bylaws in the Constitution of Flagging: Swedish and American.

His wife is – or soon to be was – Swedish and all the other women he slept with were American.

Even though Woods enjoyed a bevy of babes coming from various states and postcodes, the sum total of their stars and stripes only equate to one American flag.

Tiger did have sex with an Italian woman, but he’s not entitled to claim her flag because there was an exchange of money.

Reports suggest that one of the unnamed mistresses is an English reporter for the BBC – a Ms. Kirsty Gallacher. If this is true, then he would also have the British/English flag.

Tiger refers to his ethnic makeup as “Cablinasian” [a syllabic abbreviation he coined from CAucasian, BLack, (American) INdian, and ASIAN]. Practically all the women he hooked up with were blue-eyed Caucasian blondes just like his Swedish wife. For someone with such an interesting gene milkshake, his taste in women is remarkably unexciting.

Looking at Dina Gravell – Tiger’s ‘first love’ – his preference for the all-American/ blonde/Nordic type must have started long before he made his first million or took trips to Vegas. (See full article here.) One of Tiger’s mistresses, pornstar Holly Sampson, said of Tiger, “He is the whitest black guy you’ll ever meet.” Could his growing up and excelling in a “white man’s sport” have conditioned him from an early age?

Tiger Woods, the brand, was built with the swing of a flawless golf record and Nike’s checkmark of approval. The public thought they knew who he was; maybe now we’ll find out who Tiger Woods the man really is.

[If you have information about other Tiger Woods’s foreign shags (paid or unpaid), please leave a comment]

Flags of the World, North American flags, American flag

Iraq, USA

AGE-TO-FLAG DETERMINATION THEORY, PROVED by Atlas Al

View Comments 10 November 2009

By Atlas Al

If you haven’t already heard about the tragedy of 20-year-old, Noor Faleh Almaleki of Arizona, Flagging Headquarters brings the story to you. According to the November 6, 2009 article in the nytimes.com, AZ ‘Honor Killing’ Victim Just Wanted To Be Normal, she chose not to follow the customs and traditions of her family’s native Iraq. On October 20, 2009, Noor and the mother of her boyfriend, were run over by Noor’s father driving the family car. His motive: an ‘honor killing’ to avenge the family from Noor’s decisions to act more American.

Noor and her family moved from Iraq to the United States when she was very young. If you’re surrounded by American customs and culture, even when the confines of your home may seem like a different country, most likely you’ll want to blend into and/or embrace the culture of the country you’re in. If Noor’s father didn’t want to her to be a modern, free-spirited woman, then he never should’ve moved his family to the United States. Sure, I’d rather live in the U.S. than a warzone. However, if you move from an oppressed/restricted Middle Eastern country to an extremely open, Western country like the United States, you have to take into consideration that your family, especially your kids, will be affected.

Noor just wanted to melt into the multi-cultural pot that is America. She may have looked like an Iraqi woman, but she didn’t think like one. According to the Constitution of Flagging’s Age-To-Flag Determination Theory, we must draw the line somewhere to determine one’s flag status. Noor moved to the U.S. when she was very young, under 13 years of age, therefore, she was more American than Iraqi. Her father wanting to kill her reinforces the belief that if you moved to a country at a young age, you are not the flag from the country you came from, rather the flag of the country you moved to.

Flags of the World, North American flags, American flag, Iraqi flag

FLAG BRAG

UNDERCOVER ACCENTS

CAPITAL OF THE FLAGGING WORLD

EYE OF THE TIGER WOODS

AGE-TO-FLAG DETERMINATION THEORY, PROVED by Atlas Al

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